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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25677208">Generations 11: Holidays</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fier/pseuds/Fier'>Fier</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Generations [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Dana Scully Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sex, Married Couple, Married Life, Past Child Abuse, Sexual Content, Whump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:20:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,275</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25677208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fier/pseuds/Fier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulder experiences some adjustment problems in his marriage. An unexpected event occurs and tragedy strikes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fox Mulder/Dana Scully, Margaret Scully/Walter Skinner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Generations [13]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1857445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Christmas Preparations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><b>Title</b>: Generations 11. Holidays<br/><b>Author</b>: Macspooky</p><p>This one is kind of sad folks. I realized that if I was going to keep the series going, I was going to have to begin to explore deeper issues than Dana's Birthday or Sinead's Wedding. All constructive criticism is welcome as I am delving into new waters. Enjoy! Well, Macspooky has been at the Word Processor again, much to the dismay of her family. This story is part of my GENERATIONS series, a continuation of the life of Dana and Fox Mulder. It is set after "Newlyweds." It is not a happy story. It doesn't have a happy ending. I hope it reflects life accurately. It deals with some of the problems couples have in learning to live together and some of the awful things that can happen. It also reveals a painful incident in Dana's life, as well as explores a softer side of Walter Skinner and some surprising feelings. I hope it contains enough hope and good humor to keep it from becoming too maudlin. As usual, it is not packed with action/adventure, so anyone looking for explosions and excitement had better bail out now!</p><p>All the usual disclaimers apply. I know the characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 and Fox. I'll rate this one R for talk of adult situations. I'm probably being too cautious.. I have divided it into three parts because of the length. Thanks to Windsinger for provided Eileen and Samantha with favorite colors! All comments and flames can be sent to me, macspooky@erols.com. Posted to SciNut EMXC 7/25/95.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mulder glanced at his watch and switched off his computer. It was a little bit early, but what the heck, he already had more than forty hours in this week and so did his wife. As usual, those two words caught in his mind and throat, his wife. Once upon a time, it would have been Scully, then possibly Dana, but now it was his wife.</p><p>He smiled to himself. Life was good. She had her own office now, a small windowless room upstairs, and he missed her presence in his cluttered basement room. Skinner had been right though. Having them continue to share office space would have been overkill, and she wasn't far away. Just a quick elevator ride or mad dash up the stairs, and he could be with her. He made frequent trips during the week.</p><p>They had been delighted that they had been permitted to work together after their hasty marriage. It was a violation of general FBI policy, but somehow, a miracle had happened, and it had been decided that their "solve" rate was so high that it would be counterproductive to separate them. Also, Fox realized, the powers that be thought that she had a calming influence on him, could keep him in line. He didn't question it too closely. If he had, his paranoia might have taken over. He was just glad they hadn't been assigned different partners. He didn't trust anyone else to protect her, to watch her back. Fox was glad they could still be together.</p><p>Their marriage had been so fast, and that first week together so wild and wonderful, so filled with happiness! They hadn't thought about much of anything except being together and making love. When she had gotten her period, they had both been a little torn between relief and disappointment, but now he was glad that they had decided to wait awhile to have a family. She had gotten a diaphragm, and he still had his wonderful partner. He had the best of both worlds.</p><p>He closed his door and took the steps two at a time. When he popped into her office, she had her head down on the desk. Hearing him enter, it popped up, and she smiled at him tiredly.</p><p>"Hi, Mulder," she said.</p><p>"Turn off computer, Scully," he commanded. "It's time to go shopping for a Christmas tree."</p><p>Dana looked at him. He was wearing his best little boy grin and his worst tie. She knew he was really looking forward to the holiday this year. It was the first time he had had someone to celebrate with since he was a little kid, the first time he had a real home filled with love and laughter and a family that welcomed his presence. She hated to upset his applecart.</p><p>"Fox," she said softly, "I'm just exhausted tonight. I was looking forward to a pre-dinner nap while you cooked."</p><p>"Come on, Scully," he chided. "You slept for nearly 10 hours last night. You can't be too tired to shop for a tree!"</p><p>"I thought we were going to do that Saturday, Mulder. Besides , what about dinner?"</p><p>"We'll buy the tree, and I'll order pizza. No anchovies, just for you."</p><p>"Why do we always order pizza when it's your turn to cook?"</p><p>"Because it's my favorite thing to make," he grinned.</p><p>"I don't suppose it would help for me to point out that if we buy the tree too soon, all the needles will fall off?"</p><p>"Won't help." He smiled. "You know I've never been logical.</p><p>Besides, I know you'll keep it well watered."</p><p>"Okay," she said managing a smile as she gave in. That little boy look was always just too hard to resist. "We won't get one that's too big though. You've got to promise me that."</p><p>"Oh, sure," he said, delighted at having gotten his way once again. "Nothing too big. I promise." He had his fingers crossed behind his back. He wanted a big tree, a huge gorgeous tree that they could decorate together and show off to everyone. Christmas this year was going to be perfect. They had been out of town on a case over Thanksgiving, so it had been quiet, but his first Christmas with his wife was going to be wonderful.</p><p>They said goodnight to a few people on the way out and actually got a response. Dana was proud of her husband. Since they had gotten married, he had solved two very high profile serial killer cases.</p><p>During one case, he had effected the very dangerous rescue of two abducted children before they could be tortured and murdered. It had nearly cost him his life and Dana her heart, but pictures of Fox, with the children in his arms, had appeared on the national news. He had made the Bureau look good. His superiors were, for the first time in a long time, pleased with him, and he had begun to regarner the respect of fellow agents who had long ago written him off as a complete nutcase best to be avoided. She had helped him, of course, and he had tried to see that she got proper credit, but the media wanted none of that. They wanted a hero, and he had provided them with one. She preferred to remain in the background anyway.</p><p>They went from Christmas tree lot to Christmas tree lot. It was cold and damp. Dana had seen at least a dozen trees that would have been perfect for their not too large apartment, but nothing had been quite right for Fox. She was really tired now and rapidly losing patience, beginning to shiver from the low temperature. Just when she had given up hope, Fox saw THE TREE, the Christmas tree of his dreams.</p><p>It was a blue spruce. It appeared to be nearly 12 feet tall and at least 6 feet around, nearly perfect in its symmetry. He was glad he had crossed his fingers behind his back.</p><p>"Fox," she moaned, "it's too big. It's got to be 12 feet tall!"</p><p>"I know." His eyes sparkled under the lights, just as they had that awful day at the amusement park when he had enticed her to go on that horrible roller coaster.</p><p>"But the ceiling in the house is only 9 1/2 feet."</p><p>"It'll fit. I'll make it fit...I mean," he bent over and whispered, "look at the miracle I pulled off on our wedding night!"</p><p>She punched his arm and stifled a laugh.</p><p>"I can't carry it, Fox," she whined. She already knew she was going to give in.</p><p>"You just go get the car, and let old Wolf here worry about the piling on top and making it fit. I'm an expert, remember?" He waggled his eyebrows at her. "And, Scully, you are as strong as an ox, so don't give me any line about not being able to handle it!"</p><p>She couldn't resist chuckling as she walked off. As exhausted as she felt, she couldn't help but be filled with love for her lunatic husband, the person who made her so happy, even when he was getting on her nerves. Fox always knew the right buttons to push. Always! And he was very good at pushing them! She wondered sometimes how she had lived without him.</p><p>Now, Dana was truly exhausted. She had been sawing and sawing and was still only half way through the bottom of the tree. She wondered how in hell she had ended up with this job while he went out and got the pizza. His argument that it was his night to cook hadn't rung quite true in the face of the amount of work involved here. She looked at the couch. Maybe if she just lay down for a little while, just a minute...Dana put her head on one of the cushions and was asleep almost before her eyes were closed.</p><p>Fox came in with the pizza. He had gone to the pizza place that was her absolute favorite, and true to his word, ordered pizza with no anchovies, a real sacrifice for him. He knew he had overdone it a bit with the tree, and they had worked awfully hard to get it in the house. When he saw her asleep on the couch, the bottom of the tree only half sawed off, he was torn between tenderness at the sight of her peaceful face and annoyance. He had wanted to share the evening with her and then make love to her. This was the third night in a row that she had fallen asleep on him before he had even had a chance to kiss her. He hoped she wasn't coming down with the flu or something.</p><p>He wouldn't want anything to ruin the holiday. He covered her with the afghan, ate his pizza silently, and got to work with the saw eventually getting the tree to stand up, well, more or less anyway.</p><p>The next night, he informed her, they were going shopping for decorations. Once again, she tried to beg off pleading exhaustion.</p><p>She had taken a nap during lunch and was still ready to go back to sleep. He wouldn't hear of it, however, and they traipsed from store to store, until she finally told him she couldn't take it any more.</p><p>It was at that moment, however, that he saw the perfect angel for the top of the tree that he had been seeking. She had to soften. It was beautiful, with a bisque porcelain face, blue eyes, and hair the color of a fiery sunset.</p><p>"See," he said softly. "I told you I would find it, and not a word from you about the price. I know it's expensive, but we are rich, and I want her on top of my tree." He bent over and kissed the top of her head. "She reminds me of you," he whispered.</p><p>"I love you, Fox," she replied. They gathered their myriad boxes and bags and went home. Dana was asleep within moments.</p><hr/><p>It was Christmas Eve day, and Fox awakened to find the bed empty next to him. Dana had collapsed into bed the night before and fallen directly asleep. He let it go, thinking he would make love to her in the morning. They didn't have to go to work, and he really wanted her. It would be a wonderful day. They were going to spend Christmas Eve alone, just the two of them, have dinner, sit in front of the fire, maybe go to church, just relaxing before the big day with her family. He had been looking forward to it. He sat up feeling annoyed, however. Then, he saw the doll sitting in the corner as yet unwrapped. It was for Eileen. It was a lovely doll, very expensive, with blond hair, in a beautiful pink dress. He had been delighted when the little girl had whispered to him that it was what she wanted for Christmas. He adored his niece. He had wanted to buy the one in the red dress, but Dana had insisted that pink was Eileen's favorite color and had refused to give in. Samantha would have wanted the red.</p><p>He was suddenly filled with resentment, resentment because Eileen would get the beautiful doll, and Samantha had never celebrated her eighth Christmas. He was annoyed because Dana wasn't in bed with him, and he wanted her, had wanted her for days. All she did was fall asleep. He wondered briefly if she was tired of him already, instead of just tired.</p><p>Fox sighed and headed for the shower telling himself that he was being petty, but his annoyance simmered. First, he couldn't find his soap. Then, he ended up using her antiperspirant because his was empty, and she hadn't, as promised, replaced it. He brushed his teeth, working hard to squeeze the last of the toothpaste out of the tube, and then reached for his razor. It didn't feel right. He cut himself twice, drawing blood. He examined it with distaste and discovered something that he didn't possess, red hair. Dana had used his razor. Slipping into his clothes, he headed for the kitchen. She was standing there with a mixing bowl on her hip. When she saw him, she smiled.</p><p>"Morning, Spook, I'm making..."</p><p>"You used my f-----g razor blade," he growled loudly not at all impressed by the sight. "I had to use your soap, your deodorant, and then you used my razor blade didn't you?"</p><p>"Fox, I," He looked so angry, she thought for an instant about lying. "I'm sorry, honey. I meant to replace it, but I was so tired I just forgot." She set down the bowl.</p><p>"You forgot...You were tired...Jeez, Dana, you are always tired.</p><p>I hate it when anyone uses my razor. I really hate it."</p><p>"I said I was sorry," she replied defensively. She had planned a nice breakfast for him, his favorite banana pancakes, and he was turning into Oscar the Grouch.</p><p>"You know, Phoebe used to do that to me all the time, and the more I asked her not to, the worse she got," he ranted, really working himself up into a temper tantrum.</p><p>"I'm not Phoebe," snapped Dana. She was getting angry now. She didn't like to hear about Phoebe. She was jealous of Phoebe who had had "her" man first. She had disliked the woman from the beginning, and her blood boiled when the name Phoebe was mentioned. It wasn't logical, but Dana couldn't help it. She didn't want to be compared to HER.</p><p>"What the hell is your problem, Dana?"</p><p>"God, you turn into a bear when you don't get sex twice a night don't you?" she snapped back. "How the hell did you manage to exist without me?</p><p>"Well, I'm sure as hell not getting any from you now," he retorted with a voice that dripped the kind of sarcasm that he could be so good at. "Maybe I'm starting to understand why no other man would have you." He hated himself for saying it, but he was really angry at her. He was royally pissed off at her lack consideration. He wanted to hurt. He did.</p><p>"I don't have to listen to that. I don't...I won't...you bastard." Dana recalled that tone all to well from the green bug incident in Oregon, when he had told her to "cut the sanctimonious crap." It had hurt then, when they were only partners. It hurt worse now that she was his wife.</p><p>Dana ran past him into the bedroom and locked the door, possibly the biggest mistake in judgement she had ever made. He was following her, and when he heard the latch catch, he went from angry to furious. He became ballistic in a way that only Fox Mulder could, just like he had done when she had been in the hospital. He wasn't even certain why he was so enraged anymore. He just was. Within a moment, he had the latch broken. He dragged her roughly off the bed where she had sat down miserably.</p><p>"Don't you ever lock me out of my bedroom, Dana Katherine Mulder," he hissed. "Do you understand me?" He had her against the wall.</p><p>"You're hurting me," she told him. He was squeezing her upper arm tightly.</p><p>"I said, do you understand me?"</p><p>"No, no, no," she wailed suddenly, "You aren't him...You love me. You love me. You wouldn't hurt me...no..."</p><p>Realizing he was on the brink of abuse, he released her, and she slipped to the floor. A part of him wanted to go to her, but he was really hurt that she would lock him out and still angry at everything.</p><p>That anger overwhelmed him totally and completely.</p><p>"I knew I shouldn't have gotten married," he spat. "I just knew it would get in the way of what's important." He grabbed his jacket and banged out the door.</p><p>Dana sat and cried for a long time. Finally, she got to her feet and saw the doll sitting in the corner, unwrapped. With sudden insight, the insight that came from the gift she always denied so vehemently to her Gran that she had, Dana realized why he was so angry. It really had nothing to do with her personally, the razor, or even Eileen getting the doll. It was Samantha. Eileen was here, and Samantha wasn't, and lately he hadn't done anything to find her. He had basked in the glow of their love and the restored respect of his colleagues, while Samantha had been put on the back burner of his mind. He had momentarily forgotten the purpose of his entire adult life.</p><p>"Oh, God," thought Dana, "what am I going to do now? What if my husband doesn't come back? Oh God, how will I live?" Her love for him had grown everyday since they had gotten married. She couldn't live without him. She wouldn't be whole, wouldn't be complete. He had frightened her so badly, but she wanted him here, with her. Even having him rage at her was preferable to being alone like this and not knowing where he was what kind of trouble might be following him. She thanked God that he hadn't hit her. He had really scared her for a moment. If he had, oh God, if he had...she didn't want to think about it.</p><p>Fox walked the streets angrily. He headed back in the direction of his old apartment, but of course, someone else lived there now. He shouldn't have given it up, should have realized that for him, being married would never work. He had sacrificed his sister for a wife, his hunt, for domestic bliss. He made love, and he slept with no nightmares, and he didn't think about his sister, Samantha, out there, somewhere. Hours passed. He walked and walked, through the city, barely aware of last minute shoppers scurrying by. Gradually, he grew tired, walking off his head of steam. Then he saw a man and a woman walking together. They were arguing loudly about something stupid and petty, calling each other hateful things, on this day that was supposed to be the eve of something special. They sounded too much like he and Dana had that morning, thanks to his impatience and instigation.</p><p>"Oh, jeez," he moaned, "what am I doing? What the hell am I doing?" In an instant, he came to his senses. None of this was Dana's fault. She loved him so much. She had gotten up that morning to make him his favorite breakfast, and what had he done? He had made that horrible comment about knowing why no other man had wanted her, when the fact that he had been her only lover was one of the most beautiful, precious things that had ever happened to him. Why did he have to have such a mean streak? Why did he have to use it against Dana, the woman he loved so much? Suddenly, he couldn't wait to get home. He prayed she would still be there, that she hadn't left and gone to her mother's house or something. He grabbed a cab and gave the driver the address. He handed the driver a 20 and quickly ran up the walk to the building.</p><p>Fox opened the door, and before he could say anything, his beautiful Dana was in his arms, melting against him, melting into him.</p><p>"Oh Fox, I'm sorry. I should have realized. I'm sorry. We'll find her, Spook. We will. I promise. Maybe next year..."</p><p>"I'm such a jerk, angel," he whispered clinging to her. "It's just that...it's just that I woke up this morning...I've been so happy, I haven't thought about her. I haven't even thought about her." A deeply emotional being, he fought tears.</p><p>"I know. I know. I'm sorry I've been so tired lately, and we haven't made love, and I used your razor and..."</p><p>"It's okay. It was a stupid thing to get mad about." He looked down at her.</p><p>"Don't leave me, Fox. I'll help you look for Sam. I promise. Don't walk out on me like that ever again. Promise me, Fox. Promise me," she begged.</p><p>"I wouldn't leave you, angel. Never." He smoothed her hair off her face. He kissed her and hugged her some more. "Hey, beautiful, is it too late to have those banana pancakes for dinner?" he asked her finally, bringing the tears under control.</p><p>"No," she said managing a faint smile through moist eyes, "but don't you want to do something else first?"</p><p>"Now what could be better than eating banana pancakes?" he teased, sniffing and ruffling her hair. He managed to grin at her, but it wasn't one of his best. "Now that you mention it, I'll race you to the bed."</p><p>"Okay, but you get on top this time. I called it." With that they were off and running.</p><hr/><p>They made love and ate banana pancakes until they were stuffed.</p><p>Then, he insisted that they go to church. It was kind of silly really...for them. He wasn't a believer. It was just something he wanted to do with his wife on Christmas. While he was there, he offered up a prayer of thanksgiving. "If there is a God, and you are out there," he thought, "thank you for sending me Dana Katherine Scully. I'm a jerk. I don't deserve her. I don't treat her right, but I do love her." He realized then that he had never sent her flowers, or brought her home a box of chocolates, never did any of the things that women liked so much, and yet she loved him anyway. He had a lot to be thankful for that night. They walked home slowly, with their arms around each other, and sat quietly by the fire.</p><p>"I hope it snows," he said softly.</p><p>"I don't. We have to drive tomorrow."</p><p>"I don't care. I want to wake up and find the world covered in a clean white blanket," he whispered. "I love you, Dana. I love you so very much."</p><p>"I love you too, Wolfenstein," she smiled looking up at him in adoration. She yawned. He got up and lifted her up and carried her to bed.</p><p>She was asleep almost before he put her down, but he didn't mind.</p><p>They had made love earlier anyway, and he lay next to her, content, thinking that everything was alright. Christmas hadn't been quite perfect, thanks to him, but the tree had been gorgeous, the banana pancakes delicious, and the love the best thing that had ever happened to him. He snuggled close to her, and with a final thought for his sister, drifted off to sleep.</p><p>He woke up in the middle of the night on the edge of a nightmare and reached for Dana. Her presence could always dissipate them, kill them before they got started. She wasn't there. Fox sat up with the overwhelming feeling that something was wrong, really wrong. The house was quiet. Perhaps she had just gotten up to use the bathroom.</p><p>He slipped out of bed to do the same, and then tiptoed into the living room. Dana was sitting on the sofa in front of the fire, and he realized, she was sobbing uncontrollably, deep silent sobs so as not to awaken him.</p><p>"Dana, angel," he said going to her and sitting beside her, "what's wrong? What is it sweetheart?"</p><p>"Nothing. I'm okay." She sniffed trying to pull herself together, but didn't seem to be able to stop weeping.</p><p>"Don't tell me you're okay. You aren't. Now what is it, angel?"</p><p>he asked putting his arms around her.</p><p>"Is it good, Fox, really good?" she asked in a timid voice.</p><p>"Is what good, baby?" he asked gently.</p><p>"Me, am I good? I mean...making love to me...is it good?" she demanded again, almost frantically this time.</p><p>"No, Dana, it isn't good. It's wonderful, the best there is.</p><p>Why such a silly questions, angel?" He remembered then what he had said to her about knowing why no other man had wanted her. He had long sensed that somewhere, somehow, she had been hurt, badly hurt.</p><p>He cursed himself.</p><p>"God, I'm just like my dad sometimes," he sighed. "I know when something hurts and use it. I'm a real bastard." He realized then that something had been wrong with their lovemaking that night. She had been frenetic, frantic to please him, tense. He realized as well, Dana hadn't really derived any pleasure from it herself. He hadn't noticed at the time, because he had been so relieved that the fight was over and so satiated himself.</p><p>"Oh ,Dana, I didn't mean what I said to you before. You must know that, sweetheart. The fact that I've been your only lover...oh jeez...it's wonderful Dana. I was being mean...I'm sorry." Still, she didn't seem reassured and continued to tremble in his arms. His t-shirt grew wet from her salty tears.</p><p>"Come on. That's it. Back to bed with you, young lady." He lifted her light frame. "You are going to talk to me, Scully, and tell me what's on your mind. I want to know what other bastard hurt you, besides me I mean. That's an order from your Department Head."</p><p>He carried her into the bedroom and held her, cuddling her close to him until she finally had almost stopped crying.</p><p>"Tell me, angel, tell me why it hurts so much," he whispered stroking her arm with his hand.</p><p>"I never had any boyfriends in high school," she said softly.</p><p>"They always wanted Melissa. I had such a crush on Rick Donovan. I wanted him to ask me to the school dance. Of course he didn't. The night of the dance, he showed up at the house with flowers and took Melissa. She looked so pretty. Mom had made her a dress, a pretty yellow dress. I was jealous. I just stayed home and cried. Ahab, Daddy, told me that somewhere out there, there was a tall, dark, handsome man who would respect my body and mind and love me to death, but when you are 16, it doesn't help, especially when it keeps happening, when your sister gets all the dates, and you just stay home. I wrote my science paper that night and got an A. Melissa came home glowing and babbling about what a wonderful time she'd had."</p><p>"I'd have taken you to the dance, Scully," he quipped. "Well, actually I would have been too shy to ask a pretty girl like you."</p><p>"Then I won a scholarship to college. Daddy didn't really have money to send all of us, but he wanted us all to go so much. We had to find other ways. Bill was going, and Melissa was going, and she didn't have the grades for scholarships. She was older, and daddy helped her a lot that first year. I worked and worked, Fox, studying to keep the grant money coming, waiting tables, trying to get to medical school. Melissa made a fortune as a model starting in her second year and that took care of her financial problems. Dana couldn't even get a date between jobs. I had no money for clothes. I had no time, and I was so plain. I graduated in three years. I had a 4.0 GPA and a scholarship to med school. I convinced myself I was happy."</p><p>Dana stopped and sniffed for a moment, hating herself for crying like this. "I feel like a crybaby," she said. "I thought it would be easier, but it got harder, more studying, more work. Guys came sniffing around, but I just...well, I was just never one that could just...well, go to bed with a guy, just like that. You know. Well, maybe you don"t." She paused again. "You are a pretty hip guy, Fox.</p><p>I mean, I guess you didn't go out with many women who wouldn't go to bed with you, including me," she said. "I mean I went out a little, but it was like...as soon as I wouldn't, they dumped me, and of course if they got a look at Lis...Anyway, I met Nathan in my last year. It clicked. He made me feel so special. He wanted me to go to bed with him, and I...well, I went on the pill and everything. I wanted to surprise him one night, so I...I went to his apartment and rang the bell. I was ready, Fox, really ready. I was scared, but I was going to do it. I really was. He answered the door in his underwear...Oh, God, Fox, my sister came out of the bedroom. She didn't even know I'd been seeing him."</p><p>Dana started to cry again softly. Fox just held his wife for a long time until she stopped. "It wasn't her fault, Fox. She didn't know. As it turned out, he was screwing everything he could lay his hands on. She caught something from him. Luckily ,I found out while I was doing my rotation in the clinic and found a way to make her see the doctor, without violating ethics, before any permanent damage happened to her."</p><p>"What a nightmare," sighed Fox. He felt sorry for her and even Melissa, although he had his doubts about her not having known Dana was seeing the creep.</p><p>"That wasn't the worst. You know daddy was so upset with me when I joined the FBI," she said. "I really disappointed him. Then I met Jack Willis and fell in love. Oh, God, how I adored Jack. Dad said he was too old for me, that he was no good, but I wouldn't listen. I told him he was just old fashioned, and that I'd live my life the way I wanted. I said if Melissa could sleep with guys, so could I. We said awful things to each other, Dad and I," Dana sniffed. "It turned out he was right. Jack was a wonderful man, Fox, in many ways, but he had diabetes, and he wasn't dealing with it well. Things started out so beautifully. He would bring me flowers, treated me like a queen, never rushed me, but then...it changed. I didn't know he had a drinking problem. We would try to make love, and it wouldn't work.</p><p>It just wouldn't work. He started to blame me. It was subtle at first, comments about my body, the way my weight tends to creep up sometimes. He started making remarks about my lack of experience, asking me why...why no other man had wanted me... and about how I couldn't try...certain ...things... I started to believe him. I thought I was losing my mind, and we broke up."</p><p>Again Dana paused trying unsuccessfully to maintain some form of self control. This was all water under the bridge. She didn't want to be talking about it. Still, she had to cry a little more before she could continue. "After a few weeks, he came to me and asked me to go away one weekend. He said he really wanted to try again. I still loved him, Fox, and we did," she continued. "We went to a cabin in the woods. It snowed, and it was beautiful, and at first we were so happy. He was so sweet in the beginning, but I didn't know he was drinking on the side. Finally, we tried to make love, and it didn't work. He asked me to...well, he asked me to do something, and I couldn't. I mean, not then."</p><p>Dana gulped back some more tears thinking about it. " Maybe now, with you, I could, I'm sure I could, but not then. I'd never done it before, you know, the regular way," she wailed, "like we did at first.</p><p>You were so wonderful, so gentle. He would have hurt me. I know now, he would have hurt me," she told him. Fox soothed her gently.</p><p>"It's okay, Dana. You don't have to justify yourself to me. I understand," he whispered softly. No wonder she had become the so called "Ice Queen." She had been traumatized as a young girl, with all her cousins and sister laughing at her in that barn in Ireland, and then all the men she had met had been losers with a capital L. He wondered, after today, if he wasn't included in category.</p><p>" Suddenly he grabbed me by the arm, and pinned me against the wall, just like...just like..." she said starting to cry again, "like you did before. Only he hit me. He called me terrible things, and he hit me again and again. I think he would have killed me, if he hadn't slipped into a diabetic coma just then."</p><p>"Oh, God, Dana," he said softly, "What did you do?"</p><p>"I gave him an insulin shot, called 911, put my clothes on and left." She sat up and reached for some tissues. Dabbing at her eyes she blew her nose. "It wasn't him, Fox. It was the disease.</p><p>Diabetes affects the blood vessels, the brain, causes mood swings, and the drinking..."</p><p>"No one told him to drink," snapped Fox. "No one." Jack Willis had been an unarmed combat expert. With those kinds of problems, he could easily have turned into a one man killing machine. Dana was lucky to be alive.</p><p>"I know, Fox. My mind knows that, but my heart...well my heart...I didn't press charges. I didn't handle it. My heart...I let myself be a victim. .When Jack woke up, Daddy and my brothers and a couple of Navy buddies were standing over his bed. Daddy told him if he ever came near me again...He got help after that. I didn't see him again until I was assigned to work that last case with him. When he was well, he really was a decent, sweet man."</p><p>"Right, that's why he told everyone you were the Ice Queen. I don't think he was a decent, sweet man at all. I think you were in love. It's a good thing he's dead, Dana, because if he wasn't, I'd kill him now. I wish I could say I was any better, treating you the way I did before," he sighed. "I also think you still half believe the rumors he spread about you. The guy was a jerk, a real loser." He got out of bed really angry, angry with himself and with Jack. He paced nervously. "Don't ever do that again, Dana. Don't ever fake it again. If I'm being a bastard, I want you to tell me. If you don't want to do it, I want you to tell me."</p><p>"Are you angry with me, Fox?"</p><p>"No, sweetheart, I'm angry with me. I'm angry with me for what I said to you earlier and what I did. I wanted to hit you. I really did," he replied walking back to the bed. He sat down and stroked her hair. "That's not even a question you should be asking. Jack played mindgames with you, just like Phoebe played with me. It's you who should be angry at me for the way I've been acting." Fox sounded bitter. He could take pain himself, but he couldn't bear the thought of anyone hurting Dana, especially not him. "You aren't an Ice Queen.</p><p>You are warm and loving and more than I deserve. I'll never do anything like that again. Making love to you is wonderful, Dana. I've had other women, but none of them have ever been like you. You are the only one it has really, truly meant anything with. You've made me so happy. I couldn't live without you."</p><p>"I love you, Fox. Daddy was right. There was a tall, dark and handsome man out there ready to love me to death."</p><p>"Right, a real prize." He managed to smile at her. "But I do love you to death."</p><p>She looked up at him in the dim light. She was filled with love for her difficult, often troubled man.</p><p>"Fox, I'm...I'm going to have a baby," she said softly, barely a whisper.</p><p>"What?" he nearly shouted. "But that's not possible. We've been careful."</p><p>"I don't know how it happened, Fox," she said a little alarmed.</p><p>"Maybe it has something to do with you being a wild man, huh?" She looked at him hopefully. "Please don't be angry. I know you wanted to wait...I..."</p><p>"I'm not angry. Oh, God, a baby. What a Christmas gift!" He bent over and kissed her. Suddenly he was running his lips down her body.</p><p>He pulled up her nightgown and kissed her abdomen. "Is that where my baby is, Dana?"</p><p>"A little lower."</p><p>"There?"</p><p>"Unh huh."</p><p>He kissed her over and over.</p><p>"Hi, baby," he said. "Daddy loves you. Daddy will always love you. I'll take you to the playground and push you in the swing and..." He was filled with joy.</p><p>"I don't think it can hear you, sweetie. It hasn't got ears."</p><p>She smiled in the dark all her unhappiness forgotten for the moment.</p><p>"Hey. It's my kid. I'll talk to it if I want to. I'll buy you a great big teddy bear, and I'll never...I'll never...oh jeez...I'll never hit you, baby...I'll never, ever hit you..." His voice broke, and Dana pulled him to her and held him close.</p><p>"Of course you won't, Spook. You aren't your father. You aren't Jack. You'd never hurt me or your child."</p><p>"I almost did, Dana. I came so close."</p><p>"Almost doesn't count, Wolfenstein," she whispered in his hear.</p><p>"I love you, daddy."</p><p>Finally, Fox slipped away from her and went to the window.</p><p>"Oh, Dana, come here," he commanded softly. She slipped out of bed and joined him. He put his arm around her. "Look, mommy. It's snowing."</p><p>Dana looked out to see the whole world blanketed in a white. She looked up at her husband and smiled, happy that her Wolf had gotten his wish, in spite of the difficult drive that would be ahead of them in a few hours. She turned toward him, and they wrapped their arms around each other. The world seemed suddenly a beautiful place. It was turning into a perfect Christmas after all.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Christmas Day / Not A Happy New Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They finally fell asleep in each others arms, both of them content from making love, really making love like they usually did.</p><p>Somehow, they still managed to get up bright and early Christmas morning. "Things hadn't turned out too badly," thought Fox, putting coffee on. He was determined to make her breakfast today. A baby, a real live baby. Next Christmas there would be little toys under the tree and someone tiny to hold in his arms. He could almost feel the tiny human being, moving and stretching in his arms, and smell the sweet scent of baby powder. He burned the toast, and the eggs turned out rather like rubber, but she smiled at him and ate them anyway.</p><p>She told him it was the best breakfast she had ever had. They put the dishes in to soak, and he plugged in the tree lights.</p><p>"Here now," he said handing her a square box, "I hope you like this. It doesn't seem like much next to what you've given me."</p><p>"I know I will, macushla," she smiled using the Irish term of endearment, and you can't help it if YOU can't have babies. Besides, without you, it wouldn't be where it is." Dana smiled. She opened the box to find a lovely collector's plate with a picture of a large gray wolf.</p><p>"Oh, it's just wonderful," she smiled again kissing him on the cheek. She handed him a box of the exact same shape and size.</p><p>"Great minds think alike," he laughed. His contained a plate emblazoned with a female wolf and her cubs. "It's beautiful, angel, perfect. I only hope you don't have this many at once."</p><p>"I only hope I don't have that many ever," she laughed counting cubs. "I don't want to be my mother." She handed him another box, this one a lot larger. Inside was a beautiful leather jacket.</p><p>"I've always wanted one of these, Scully. Just like Elvis.</p><p>Maybe I'll get some bell bottoms and..." He stood up and stuck out his hips, swiveling his pelvis.</p><p>"No way, Spook. No bell bottoms. Don't want to embarrass the kiddie." Dana laughed trying to picture him in bell bottoms.</p><p>"Well, maybe a sequined shirt then..."</p><p>"Your ties are loud enough, Wolfenstein."</p><p>He handed her a small box. It contained a beautiful delicate charm bracelet with a single charm hanging off of it, a beautifully crafted fox.</p><p>"Oh, I love it. I just love it." She put her arms around him and hugged him. "You can add a new charm every year, love, one for each baby in the litter..."</p><p>"Okay, okay..." he laughed as she squeezed him in delight. "We better get dressed and start heading for your mom's. I get the shower first."</p><p>"Nope. We'll share," she replied.</p><p>The house was chaos, but it was a wonderful kind of chaos.</p><p>Margaret and Walter had decorated a huge tree. There were kids everywhere. Michael was there, condescending to play with Reverend Michaels' ten-year-old. Eileen was running around in a pretty red velvet dress, her hair in long dark braids. The sight of her caused Fox's heart to pause for an instant. From the back ,she looked so like Samantha. She was leading the Reverend's six-year-old around showing her things at Grandma's house. The three-year-old, Justin, seemed fascinated by the babies. Fox picked up Dani, and she chortled and laughed with joy before spitting up on him.</p><p>"Fooled you this time, little miss," he said, "I brought extra shirts." Sinead was there bouncing Sean on her hip. Melissa, of course, looked elegant and so did her husband. Fox went over to Maureen, who had her new baby, another little girl, and watched as Dana picked her up.</p><p>"Oh, Maureen, she's just lovely," smiled Dana. "Look, Fox, isn't she gorgeous?"</p><p>"Absolutely." He smiled. "Look's like she's going to be a blondie."</p><p>"Like my mother. No redheads for me, I guess," replied the woman.</p><p>Reverend Michaels came over with her husband, who was also a minister.</p><p>"Well," she laughed, "I see you two are still together. I had my doubts. This is my husband Tom. Tom, Dana and Fox. I told you about their marriage ceremony."</p><p>"Pleased to meet you." He laughed aloud. "My wife didn't recover from that one for three days. I'm glad to see that you both look...normal."</p><p>"It's my grandmother that's not," smiled Dana, "and after all that, she went back to Ireland and has remained in reasonably decent health ever since."</p><p>"Foxy lady," smiled Reverend Michaels. "Your mother has told me a lot about her, Dana." She laughed aloud. "You know, I don't know when she and Wally are going to get around to tying the knot, but I find this unbelievable. My brother was always such a tightass. I mean, I can't believe he's marrying a whole family full of kids and grandkids."</p><p>"Sometimes...Wally...surprises people,"grinned Mulder.</p><p>"What did I tell you about that, Mulder?" demanded the older man coming up behind him.</p><p>"Oh, uh...sorry, Wally...I mean, Mr. Skinner, dad, Sir..."</p><p>"Fox," laughed Dana, "you are impossible. Hello, Sir. Merry Christmas."</p><p>"Merry Christmas to you too, Scully," he replied giving Mulder a look, "and you, Mulder. I still can't believe that this...is going to be...a son-in-law."</p><p>"See what I mean, tight assed." Lisa Michaels laughed.</p><p>Dinner was a huge affair. Everyone had brought something, and the women set out a buffet. A sitdown meal would have been inconceivable. Children whined. Babies cried. Conversation became something close to impossible over the din. Margaret ended up under the mistletoe. Lisa Michaels was very quick to point the fact out to her brother, who seemed embarrassed.</p><p>"Well," grinned Fox, "If you won't, Wally, I will..." He stepped toward his mother-in-law.</p><p>"Mulder," roared Skinner, "don't you dare." He went to Margaret and kissed her, a long hard kiss that gave each of her children a pang. Not that they weren't happy for their mom. It was just that he wasn't their real dad, and sometimes that hurt. Still, there was loud applause and shouts for more.</p><p>When the dishes had been cleared, Walter announced it was time to open gifts, and soon the floor was covered with paper and ribbons.</p><p>The kids, of course, got more than they needed. Pictures were snapped, especially pictures of the babies. Grownups "oohed and aahed." The women picked up the mess, while the kids ran off to play.</p><p>Eileen stopped and held her arms out to Fox. He scooped her up.</p><p>"Thank you for the doll, Uncle Wolf," she said kissing his cheek.</p><p>"It's my best present yet."</p><p>"What are you going to call her, princess?" he asked with a smile.</p><p>"Samantha. It's my favorite name," she informed him. "When I grow up I'm going to have a real little girl and call her Samantha."</p><p>She started to squirm, and he let her down. With a grin and a flip of her braids, she was off and running with the other kids. Dana looked at her husband and took his hand.</p><p>"I don't think anyone ever told her, Fox," she said softly. She and her husband went into the den, and he sat in the old rocker by the fire, pulling Dana into his lap. She nestled against him, her eyelids drooping, and fell asleep.</p><p>Margaret came in and smiled. "I haven't seen Dana sleep like that since she was a little girl in her daddy's arms. She used to fight it. He would hold her like that, and she would finally drift off."</p><p>Fox shifted her gently and nuzzled the top of her head. He hadn't seen Skinner enter and watch the little domestic scene quietly.</p><p>"Well, you know how it is, Mrs...mom," he said softly, "Wild woman here couldn't contain herself and got pregnant."</p><p>" With no help from you, of course. I thought she was. That's wonderful." Margaret was delighted. She had been hoping that it would happen quickly. This man loved her daughter so very much, and she, well, she loved him like a real son.</p><p>"You know, I've wondered, mom. This old rocking chair doesn't match anything in the room."</p><p>"Oh...well..when Bill and I first got married, and I was pregnant with Billy, we had no money. I mean no money. Bill found it on a trash pile. It was broken. It was brown then. He fixed it up and painted it. He felt so bad because all we could afford was second hand stuff. I promised him I'd make an heirloom out of it. None of the kids wants it though. I've offered it to each and everyone of them as they had children." She smiled. "Melissa has already told me that when SHE gets pregnant everything will be matching golden oak.</p><p>So, the heirloom just sits."</p><p>"We want it," said Fox without a second thought, "and we'll take good care of it."</p><p>Dana woke up. "Oh, I'm sorry...I must have fallen asleep.</p><p>Mom..."</p><p>"Congratulations, sweetie," said Margaret.</p><p>"We have our first baby gift," smiled Fox, "this rocking chair."</p><p>"Oh, mom, are you sure, I mean..."</p><p>"I've been waiting for one of my children to want it. I'm glad one of them finally does." She smiled and squeezed Fox's hand. "Oh, hello, Walt. I didn't hear you come in."</p><p>Dana stood up quickly.</p><p>"I guess the cat is out of the bag now," sighed Fox.</p><p>"Congratulations, Mulder, Scully...and don't you dare call me gramps," admonished Skinner. "Now the baby is another story. The baby can call me gramps or anything else for that matter, but you Mulder..."</p><p>"Okay, okay," muttered Fox. "I can take a hint."</p><p>"No you can't, Mulder. You can't even take a direct order."</p><p>Skinner laughed suddenly. "If you could, I might have fewer headaches." He did something decidedly unSkinnerlike then. He reached over and gave Dana a quick hug. "I'm happy for you both."</p><p>"Thank you, Sir," she replied. "We are both delighted too."</p><p>Fox drove home slowly and carefully, the rocker already piled in the back of the car.</p><p>"It was a wonderful Christmas, Dana," he said softly, "It would have been perfect if we hadn't had that silly fight."</p><p>"Oh, I don't know, Fox," she replied thoughtfully. "Maybe that's what made it perfect. For the first time...for the first time in years, I'm free of Jack Willis, and I'm sure I'm really okay." She turned to him and smiled at his profile. "I love you, Fox. Thank you."</p><p>"For what?"</p><p>"For loving me, and for, well, taking that old rocking chair. It means a lot to mom."</p><p>"No," he replied softly, "it means a lot to me. I've never had an heirloom. I was raised among antiques, but I never had an heirloom.</p><p>It takes love to make one of those, Dana. I wish I would have had to opportunity to know...Ahab." He smiled at her profile.</p><p>They drove the rest of the way home in silence feeling content and pleased with life.</p><hr/><p>"Come on, Mulder, time to go home," smiled Dana, popping into his chaotic basement office. She thought to herself that she really should come down here and straighten things out again, just in case SHE needed to find something. It had deteriorated back to Pre-Scully levels since she had moved upstairs.</p><p>"It's early, Scully," he muttered his head bent over a series of slides.</p><p>"Half the staff is already gone, Mulder, and besides I need a nap if we are going to the New Year's Party tonight," she told him. She really did feel tired, even more so than usual. She would be glad to see her old friend, Amy Chan, next week for her first prenatal appointment. She had already left it a little too long, but Amy had been out of town at a conference, and Dana hadn't wanted anyone else.</p><p>They had always agreed that when the time came, Amy would deliver Dana's babies. Dana, of course, had thought the time would never come.</p><p>"Do we have to go to that silly party?" he whined. Fox wasn't much for parties, never knew what to talk about, never fit in. He would have preferred a quiet evening at home with her. The truth was that he always preferred an evening at home with his wife. His life had been so solitary that Dana was really all he needed.</p><p>"Fox, we had this argument already," she sighed. "Susan is my really good friend, and I want to see my godson. Besides, they all want to meet my husband. Yes, we have to go."</p><p>"Oh alright," he gave in ungraciously, "but just so you know, I'd give anything to get out of it." He switched off his computer with an effort. " I know what you are going to do," he chuckled forcing himself into a better mood for her sake. "You'll disappear into the kitchen and giggle about how well hung I am. Do me a favor, and take these reports up to Skinner's office. I'll be finished putting these slides away by the time you get back."</p><p>"Promise, Mulder?" she asked. "Keep your hands in front of you and away from where you are well hung." She smiled at him, amused in spite of his ungracious surrender and his male ego.</p><p>"Would I lie?" he grinned knowing damn well enough his fingers would be crossed behind his back the moment he made such a promise, if she hadn't wised up to that little trick after the Christmas tree.</p><p>"Yes," she told him, in a tone that wasn't too happy, as she picked up the file folders and headed out the door. She had always known he was an anti-social guy, but she had fallen in love with him anyway. She still loved him more than life, but sometimes she needed a little more, needed to see her girlfriends and have a few laughs outside of work. The fact that he acted as though he were doing her a favor by going to her close friend's New Year's Party hurt her a little. He had been acting rather like a martyr about it all week. Making her laugh could only alleviate her annoyance so much.</p><p>With a sigh, Fox began to put away his slides. He would have to go and be shown off, he supposed. It was one of those aspects of marriage he could live without. She thought he didn't understand. He did. He just didn't like it much. Her family was one thing. They were wonderful. He figured that they tolerated him because they were aware of his eccentricities, and they certainly knew how much he loved Dana. Social gatherings were different though. He had always hated them. every time he had been taken to one when he was a kid, he had ended up in trouble with his dad. every time he had attended one with Phoebe, she had found a way to embarrass or belittle him. He, fool that he had been in those days, had tolerated it in the name of love.</p><p>When he had been alone, he had simply stopped attending social functions. They had made an appearance, at Dana's insistence, at the FBI Christmas party this year, and that had gone alright. He hadn't liked the idea of other guys dancing with Dana, and had been morose and somewhat sullen, but nothing untoward had happened. He felt that he had met his social obligations for the year. Obviously, she didn't agree.</p><p>Dana trudged up to Skinner's office feeling very very tired. She hoped a nap would revive her long enough to enjoy the party. She was really looking forward to it. She hadn't seen Susan in ages. Her godson was probably taller than her now. Susan's husband was a really nice man who, she thought, Fox would probably like, if she could draw him out of his shell long enough. She was eager to show off her very handsome husband to old friends who never thought she'd have one, and hoped that he wouldn't slink off into a corner the way he usually did at those few events that didn't concern her family.</p><p>Skinner's Administrative Assistant was already gone, and Dana tapped on his door somewhat reluctantly. Her relationship with Skinner was distinctly odd. He was her boss, and it was very very professional. It had to be. His relationship with her husband was touchy at best, which didn't make it any easier, especially since Fox frequently went out of his way to aggravate. At the same time, he was also going to become her stepfather one of these days and was at every family gathering. Her mother really loved him, and he truly seemed to adore his "Meg." It was just one more bazaar situation that seemed to be part of being teamed up with Fox Mulder.</p><p>"Come in," the AD called his gruff voice. He looked up when he saw her. He had been at her wedding. Fox wore his former wife's wedding ring. Sometimes it was hard to hide his feelings and remain professional. He had to. His superiors had already questioned his ability to separate his family relationships from his new personal life. He was on somewhat shaky ground.</p><p>"Yes, Scully, what can I do for you?" he inquired with no softening of his ex-marine style.</p><p>"Agent Mulder asked me to bring you these reports, Sir," she said putting them on his desk.</p><p>"And you did it of course?" he inquired with a trace of sarcasm.</p><p>"Obviously, Sir," she replied careful to sound neutral.</p><p>"The reports are late," he snapped. "I'll have to speak to Agent Mulder, again."</p><p>"Yes, Sir. Is that all, Sir?"</p><p>"Yes, Agent Scully. Happy New Year."</p><p>"You too, Sir." She knew he was going to a New Year's Party with her mom at his sister's house. "Enjoy the party, Sir."</p><p>Suddenly a wave of dizziness washed over her, dizziness and pain.</p><p>She doubled over and couldn't stifle a cry. Her knees buckled under her, and she felt a warm rush from between her legs.</p><p>"No," she moaned. "God, no..." It hurt. It felt like something was tearing her apart.</p><p>Skinner was up in a flash. He had been married before and immediately recognized what was happening, the meaning of the blood that suddenly appeared on her clothing, the way she clutched her stomach. He and Annie had lost each and every one of their children the same way. He dialed the phone, 911, and pulled rank in order to make certain that the Rescue Squad would arrive promptly. Then he called in another agent.</p><p>"Get Agent Mulder up here," he snapped. "Get him up here now, and then go and meet the ambulance."</p><p>"Dana," he said gently. This was more than just one of his agents down. This was Meg's daughter. She was losing a lot of blood, and in truth, he felt helpless. He didn't know what to do. There was nothing he could do but wait. He took her hand. "Hold on, Dana.</p><p>Hold on. Help is on the way." God, it was hard. Meg's daughter was losing her baby. He forgot his superiors.</p><p>"Tell them, Dr. Chan, Amy Chan..my doctor.."</p><p>"Okay, Dana," he said quietly, "Dr. Chan."</p><p>Mulder came in. "I'm sorry about the reports, Sir...Scully, Dana...Oh God...What the hell did you so to her, Skinner?" he demanded, all his paranoia coming to the forefront. He knew he sounded like a wild man. He bent over her, frantic, thinking she was going to die.</p><p>"She's having a miscarriage, Mulder. The ambulance is on its way." He knew Mulder well enough to have expected just such a question. He didn't waste his time on anger. Fox lifted her upper body and cradled her in his arms. "Don't die on me, angel...Please don't die on me..." The red stain had spread to the carpet.</p><hr/><p>The ambulance took her away. Skinner informed the attendant that she wanted Dr. Amy Chan to be contacted. He sighed, and returned to his office to call Meg and his sister. There would be no New Year's party for any of them that night. It wasn't going to be a happy new year at all. He found himself wondering, as he told Meg he would come and get her, when something was going to go right for his soon to be stepdaughter and her husband, a man for whom he had a great deal of respect and lately , some distinctly paternal feelings that he would never, he told himself, admit out loud. Dana and Fox had seemed so happy about the baby at Christmas. There had been something deeply touching about the way Mulder had held his wife in that old rocking chair and cradled her head so tenderly as he had told Meg that the wild woman had gotten herself pregnant. It had been sweet the way Fox had told her they wanted the old chair without a second thought. That had meant so much to his Meg, one of her children finally wanting her beat up old chair. She had told him the story of that chair. Bill Scully was going to be a tough act to follow. There was also something touching in their jokes about calling him Gramps. Their child would accept him as a grandfather, and that had felt good to a man who had never had any children. He had vowed silently at that moment to be a good grandfather, a loving role model.</p><p>Mulder had been a different man since his marriage to Meg's daughter, a mellowed man, a man who seemed to be getting his career back on track and his emotional act together. He had started to turn into an asset to the Bureau once again, instead of the headache he had managed to become. It was so unfair that everything seemed to be falling apart for him yet again. If anything happened to Dana, Skinner didn't think Mulder be able to make it alone again. He feared that Fox would commit suicide. Skinner knew he would lose more than just a good agent. Then, there was the matter of the abduction and the tests that had been done on Dana. They were going to be afraid, afraid once more that something had been done to her.</p><p>As he drove to Meg's house, he cursed and felt powerless. He had long regretted never having a family of his own. "Maybe it was for best," he thought bitterly, "I can't even help and protect the ones I am adopting. I'm Assistant Director of the FBI, and I am powerless in the scheme of things." He thought sadly that there would be no new baby to call him Gramps now.</p><p>Meg had other grandchildren of course. The older ones called him Uncle Walter. He supposed the littler ones would do the same. He was fond of all the children, but he knew that he was going to miss not having that little Mulder around to call him Gramps.</p><p>Fox was pacing the waiting room when Skinner entered with Margaret Scully. The older woman went to him, and they embraced.</p><p>"They won't let me see her," he said angrily. "Dr. Chan came, and they are doing some kind of surgery..."</p><p>"Sit down, Fox," said Margaret quietly, "There is nothing you can do now but wait." She led her son-in-law to the couch, and the three of them sat silently for a few minutes.</p><p>"It's all my fault," Mulder burst out. "I insisted we get a big Christmas tree, and she helped me carry it. I...shouldn't have...shouldn't have made love to her...I...I told her I would give anything not to go to the stupid New Year's party she was dragging me to tonight..." His voice cracked. "It's all my fault." He jumped up and began to pace again. "What's taking so long?"</p><p>"Sit down, Mulder," ordered Skinner.</p><p>"Hey, you're not my boss here," he snapped his body tensing.</p><p>"Meg and I are losing a grandchild too, and you aren't helping. Now sit down."</p><p>"I'm sorry," he said slumping onto the couch again, "Skinner's right. Jeez...I'm supposed to be a man...be strong...dad always did say I was a wimp..." He closed his eyes. He opened them a few minutes later. "Could you do me a favor, mom?" he asked, "You know Dana's friend Susan?"</p><p>"Of course. She and Dana grew up together."</p><p>"Could you call her and tell her we won't be making the party? Dana would be upset if we just didn't show up. She was looking forward to it."</p><p>"Of course I'll call her, Fox," replied Meg glad for something concrete to do. She knew what her daughter was going through. She had been there twice, the fear, the pain, the grief, the surgery to clean up the aftermath.</p><p>"You may be a lot of things, Mulder, but you aren't a wimp," said Skinner when they were alone. "None of this is your fault, son. It's something that happens to a woman sometimes. The one thing I can promise you is that you'll feel a little forgotten. She has just lost a child, but everyone will forget that you did to. It's the way of things."</p><p>"You sound as though you know," said Fox. Skinner took him by surprise sometimes.</p><p>"My Annie...she...lost three. Once she carried for six months. Of course, it was her heart, but we didn't know that then...It's tough, Mulder, but so is Scully. The two of you will make it. There will be other children, although I know that's not what you want to hear right now."</p><p>Fox nodded. He couldn't quite figure Skinner out. He was such a cold blooded son of a bitch most times, but other times he talked to him in a way that he wished his dad had done, as though he really understood and wanted to help. Skinner had just called him "son."</p><p>"I guess I won't get to be Gramps for awhile," said Skinner softly his gaze shifting elsewhere.</p><p>"I guess not. I guess I won't be daddy for awhile either.</p><p>Uh...thank you, Sir," said Fox quietly. Once he would have snapped Skinner's head off, telling the man in no uncertain terms that he wasn't his son. Now he just appreciated the older man's support.</p><p>"Grieve with her, Mulder, and don't wait too long to try again."</p><p>Meg came back, and Walter slipped an arm around her. A moment later a beautiful young Chinese woman entered the waiting room. She looked sad.</p><p>"Hello, Mrs. Scully," she said softly, "Are you Fox?" She asked Mulder.</p><p>"Yes...Dana?"</p><p>"Dana will be just fine, Fox," said the lovely woman quietly sitting down with them. "She did lose the baby, of course. I've done a D &amp; C, and we have replaced the blood she lost. She should be waking up in a little while."</p><p>"I'm so glad you could come, Amy," said Margaret. "I wouldn't have felt right with any other doctor."</p><p>"Thank you, Mrs. Scully."</p><p>"What caused it?" demanded Fox. "Why did she lose the baby?"</p><p>"We'll perform an autopsy on the fetus, of course," Amy told him, "but the truth is, Fox, most of the time it's just nature's way of getting rid of something that isn't perfect. I've known Dana for years, and physically there is nothing wrong with her. The best I can tell you is that there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't go on to have many healthy children. I would advise you to wait at least three months before trying another pregnancy, but my bet is that next time everything will be just fine."</p><p>"Right," he replied bitterly, "Sure." Amy Chan didn't know what they had done to her, the poisons that they had put into her blood.</p><p>Amy didn't know, and he couldn't tell her. He exchanged looks with Skinner who put a hand on his wrist. "When can I see her?"</p><p>"She should be waking up now. As soon as the anesthesia wears off, you can take her home."</p><p>"You can bring her to my house, Fox," said Margaret. "You can stay with me."</p><p>"Thank you. We'll see what Dana wants," he replied, "Are you coming?"</p><p>"You go see her first, Fox," she smiled gently, "Walter and I will come in a few minutes."</p><p>The last thing Dana remembered was doubling over in Skinner's office. He had been angry at Fox, as usual, because his reports were late. The next thing she knew, she had been on the floor. She felt awful, dizzy and nauseous. She remembered then that she had lost the baby. Oh, God, her baby was gone. She had had a miscarriage right in front of the AD. Mulder, where was Mulder? Had he done something stupid again like punched Skinner? No, he wouldn't do that. "Fox," she thought, "where are you?" She wanted him desperately.</p><p>Then suddenly he was there, standing over her, looking sad and miserable.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Fox," she heard herself murmur stupidly, "Couldn't even carry a baby..."</p><p>"Oh, Dana, as long as you are alright. I can stand anything as long as you are alright." He sat beside her and stroked her hair, seeing that she was still out of it. "I love you, angel. I love you so much."</p><p>"I love you...I'm going to be sick..." Amy grabbed a basin and held it under her head as Dana threw up, an after effect of the anesthesia. When she lay back, she felt better.</p><p>"Thank you, Amy."</p><p>"Oh, Dana, I'm so sorry." She took Dana's hand.</p><p>"Fox, does mom know?"</p><p>"She's outside, baby, outside with Skinner."</p><p>"Oh God, it happened right in front of Skinner," she cried, "right in front of the AD."</p><p>"Well, he doesn't look at it that way, Dana," replied Fox gently.</p><p>"Just how the hell does he look at it?" She felt angry suddenly for no good reason.</p><p>"I think...I think he's feeling rather like he lost a grandchild right now, just like, well, just like we are feeling like we've lost a child."</p><p>It was the right thing to say. He knew it immediately. She managed a wan smile. "We'll be okay, Fox. Together. We'll get through this somehow...only next time...next time you better find a better way to get out of going to a New Year's Party."</p><p>"Sweetheart, I'd sit through the party from hell, forever, if only this hadn't happened." He stroked her hair again and sat holding her hand, while Dr. Chan went and got her mother and Skinner.</p><p>Margaret came in and held her daughter's hand.</p><p>"Oh, Dana, I'm so sorry," she said softly, "and there is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better."</p><p>"I'm okay, mom," her daughter replied determined to be strong.</p><p>"You'll be okay, sweetie," said Margaret, "but you're not okay now."</p><p>"I'm sorry, Scully, "said Skinner, "about your loss. I know you wanted this baby."</p><p>"Thank you, Sir, and thank you for being there. I'm sorry it happened in your office. I know...I'm sorry."</p><p>"Not your fault, Scully. I know you didn't plan it anymore than you planned to fall in love with this bozo here." He looked down at her. She looked so pale, just like she had when she had awakened from her coma. That seemed ages ago. He had barely known Margaret back then, although her quiet dignity and her defense of Fox Mulder had impressed him ,even at that time.</p><p>"As soon as you are able to walk, Dana, you can go home," said Amy Chan. "I want you to promise to call me if you even think you are having any problems, okay?"</p><p>"Okay, Amy. Thanks."</p><p>"Hey, you were always there when I needed a friend," smiled the woman. "You come in to see me next week." She turned to Fox. "Keep those hands off of her until after I give the okay." She admonished.</p><p>"With looks like yours, you might have to fight her off."</p><p>"You are right about that, Amy." Dana managed a smile.</p><p>"Make her be good."</p><p>"I will. I just want her to be okay," he said.</p><p>"Do you want to come home with me, Dana?" asked Margaret.</p><p>"No...mom...thanks...I want...I just want to go home with Fox."</p><p>She grew a little teary eyed but pulled herself together. "I just need to be...I want to be home, with my husband..."</p><p>"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow."</p><p>She said goodbye to her mom and Skinner and asked Fox to go home and bring her some clean clothes. Suddenly she was very tired again and drifted off to sleep.</p><p>"You'd better buy her a couple of boxes of pads too," Dr. Chan reminded him. "I bet she's got none in the house."</p><p>"Who me? Oh yeah...right..." he said. He would do anything for Dana, but given the number of feminine products on the market, he hoped he would be able to figure out the right thing to buy. It wasn't something he wanted to cope with just now. He felt too miserable. Still, it was good to have something to do while she slept. He would get her whatever she needed. He would do anything for Dana.</p><hr/><p>It was the middle of the night and Fox woke up to find the bed next to him empty. He cursed. He had wanted to wrap her in cotton or plastic bubbles. He hadn't wanted her to get up without help for anything. He had nearly lost her again, yet again. Now she had snuck away from him. He got out of bed and found her sitting on the couch wrapped in the afghan.</p><p>"I can't sleep anymore, Fox," she said softly. The pain killers had worn off, but she didn't want to take another just yet. She suddenly started to cry. "Maybe, maybe I'll never have a baby to rock in mom's chair. Maybe they did something to me...them...I want to know what they did to me..."</p><p>Sensing that she was verging on becoming hysterical, he lifted her gently and held her on his lap in the rocking chair.</p><p>"Hush, hush, sweetheart," he whispered softly. "You're okay. We'll try again, and everything will be alright. I love you, Dana. I love you so much." His voice cracked, and they sat in the old rocker and cried together.</p><p>The chair had seen much. It could have told them that tomorrow would be a better day, except that it was a chair and couldn't speak.</p><p>For the moment, the handsome young man and his beautiful mate just sat together and wept for the child that would never be born. They couldn't think much about tomorrow, and the chair, of course, the chair couldn't know about the tests, about the fears husband and wife shared, about the strange things that happened to Fox Mulder, and their impact on his beloved Dana.</p>
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